Look busy....

Well, things are moving slower than I'd like them too. As a result I've been forced to move on to another project. It's another comedy pilot. It's one of the other ideas I had while coming up with the one I settled on...if that makes sense. I really liked it when it came to me but I put it on the back burner in favor of something I thought was more marketable. So, now I'm dusting it off and shining it up. I need to get my mind of what's happening with the sale of the other pilot but more importantly I need to keep writing - keep the momentum going. I've had a delightful little mini-breaking and now...back to work.

It's still angel related. I had reservations about this but I figure if Bryan Fuller can keep writing about death ("Pushing Daisies" and "Dead Like Me") I can keep writing about life...after death. Thank you Bryan for the inspiration.

Wouldn't it be funny if this second show did better than the first? It's kind of like buying a lottery ticket when you have tons of money, you don't feel any pressure to win...so you win! That examples sucks slighty since my first show hasn't exactly sold (yet) but, you get it.

Words I Wish I Had Written: "Follow your bliss." (Joseph Campbell)

Hurry up and wait...

Well, there's interest! In fact there are two potential homes for the spec. Both producers would be amazing to work with. It's truly win/win. There are still a lot of factors and hoops to jump through so I'm trying to stay calm. But it's definitely encouraging. It makes suiting up to wait tables every day that much more bareable. After all this time there is a real light at the end of the tunnel. We should "know more next week". Which is what they said last week...and we still don't really know more. But at least there's movement!

I'll keep you posted.

Words I Wish I Had Written: "He that can have patience can have what he will."
(Benjamin Franklin)

Finish Line...first of many....

Well, I've completed the first draft and have spent the weekend going through to 'spruce' it up. Funny thing, sprucing. In my case it means finding more jokes, trimming dialogue, and making some of the longer/chatty scenes more active. Less tell more show. This has been quite a journey. Many ups and downs. Many "I'm a genius" tempered with "I'm clinically retarded". Somewhere in the middle I lie, fingers crossed hoping my shiny moments outweigh my thinner something-better-here-but-I-don't-know-what moments. Ken Levine says you only need one person to be interested in your spec script. From now on I shall call this person: The One.

I'm sending the newest draft to my agent tomorrow and they'll be sending it to producers and show runners and potential "The One's".

I fully intend to have good news next week even if it's only: "No one is interested...YET."

Words I Wish I Had Written: "Scratch a cynic and you'll find a disappointed optimist." (An Optimist)

One down, three to go...

Well, I wrote the Teaser and ACT I of the Pilot today. However, it's not funny. That wouldn't matter except that I'm writing a comedy. I'm praying to The Comedy Gods that when the first draft is up and on it's feet I'll be able to go through and mine for jokes. There'll be jokes to mine for, right?

Someone kill Judd Apatow so I can channel his funny dead spirit into my script. $40 to the man that kills Judd by Friday.


Words I Wish I Had Written: "Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least." (Goethe)

Matrioshka Stage....

I'm in a very interesting stage in the pilot right now. I'm working on the beat sheet, a mere day or two from going to draft (!) and I'm finding that one clever solution to a problem is leading me to a whole new set of problems. Sort of like Matrioshka Dolls (I actually had to google: "dolls that fit inside each other" to find the name). I am thrilled at my new doll (solution) only to find that it's head comes off and theres another one inside it (new problem)!! Only, it's not thrilling the way it was when I was ten and realized I had not one doll but four!

But this is good. Getting stuck in the mud means that new distinctions are being made, specifics are being hammered out and rules, guidelines and relationships are solidifying. It's very tempting to jump ship at this stage. It appears that it's not going to turn out, it appears that the very pilot itself sucks, and it becomes painfully obvious that in order to make it work, it needs to be three hours long.

I will not be seduced by the illusion of "it's not working". I shall make it work. I shall finesse this script until my brain bleeds, when my inner critic starts screaming: "Your premise is smarter than you are!" I'll hold my finger to my lips and say: "Shhhh. Shut your mouth, jack ass." And I'll forge on....

Words I Wish I Had Written: "Seek and Ye Shall Find..." (I think it was Jesus)

The Trenches

Well, it's been two whole weeks since my last blog. That's how busy I've been. Good for me! I know I've said it before in previous blogs, but creating a pilot is an ART FORM. I can't believe how easy it is to do it badly. I'm astounded at how bad my writing can be sometimes. It's really breathtaking. I went to a seminar last year to learn the 'tools' of pilot writing and the instructor said: "If you don't have the guts to do it badly, you won't have the guts to do it well." Judging from these early stages, I'm very gutsy.

It's an interesting thing to experience the emotion of my desire (to write a successful pilot) move towards the manifestation (the ACTUAL pilot). I always begin my writing session rehearsing, in my mind, the success of that session, how I'll feel when it's over, the pride I'll have in sticking with it, the reward that focus brings, the satisfaction in knowing that I'm growing closer to a completed draft, the gratitude for the moments of inspiration and real humor, etc.

I can't remember a time when I felt such a deep desire to do good work, have it be seen and truly step up to a new threshold in my career. If visualization, prayer, positive affirmation, study, determination and passion are enough...I'm going to score. Big.

Words I Wish I Had Written: "You can do it, put your back into it..." (Ice Cube)

On Route

So, not ready to go to draft quite yet. HOWEVER, I made some really great breakthroughs story wise over the weekend. I'm still ironing out supporting characters and am trying to craft relationships so that they aren't just a function of strictly supporting my main character, but have goals, lives and agendas all their own.

As a side note: I had a very good meeting this week at a fantastic production company. We shared many of the same ideas about what's possible in TV, and how exciting it is to be in development right now because of where things are going, how the consciousness of the masses is changing and what that means for future programming. Delicious. What an exciting conversation. I wanted to tongue kiss EVERYONE.

For the last few years I have been trying really hard to FIT IN to this industry. I've written specs to demonstrate my ability to duplicate the voice of various shows, and I've collaborated on features I didn't really love or connect with in an effort to prove I could bring anything to life, whether I liked it or not. It wasn't until I was asked to write something ALL MY OWN, completely original that I found out, not only was it okay to write what I really love, other people liked it too! It was miraculous! I was amazed. And now to be able to sit at my computer WITHOUT FEAR THAT I'M WASTING MY TIME ON A PROJECT NO ONE WILL WANT, feels like I won the lottery. It's so much fun! It's like a dream come true. There was nothing worse than wanting to be able to write the things I know best and simultaneously feeling a sense of certainty that it wouldn't be accepted. It was terrible. Now I think, man what an ego! What, am I the ONLY one that loves a new age/spiritual comedy? Geez. What am I, so evolved that no one could possibly get my God jokes? Man, somebody build me a dirt mattress so I can safely jump down from my high horse...

I feel overwhelmed by the potential all around me...I feel high from the sheer possibilities of it all...and I feel in love with my own future in a way I didn't even know was possible. How on earth did I get so lucky?

Words I Wish I Had Written: ""Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid." (Basil King)

Got it.

Pop the bubbly! Someone alert the media! I got it! I got it! Wanna know how I did it? It's incredibly nerdy, so don't tell anyone. If you do I'll deny it. I started my writing session today by writing a fake press release for Variety Magazine about the success of my new pilot! Dweeb Alert! Geek Patrol! All hands on deck! How funny is that? I felt so good when I was done with it that sitting down to make some decisions was SO EASY it was startling. And I'm in LOVE with the premise, it's EXACTLY what I've been looking for. Ah, how delicious this night has been. I will sleep the sleep of a thousand dead dogs tonight. My new goal: Go to draft by Sunday. I'll flush out story points tomorrow, do the treatment on Friday, the outline on Saturday and start the script on Sunday. Oh my God, if I get a draft done out by the end of next week I'm gonna get a tatoo and that's final! Or at least some highlights. Or an ice cream. Maybe a tatoo AND an ice cream.

Nights like tonight are why writer's write. At least, it's why THIS one writes.

Words I Wish I Had Written: "Affirmations don't make things happen...they make things welcome." (Rev. Michael Beckwith)

"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." (The Little Train That Could)

Indulgence Stew

Vacation was delightful. Five days of basking and snuggling with the family. It was so easy to feel good about the pilot because this was a "no writing" vacation. So, every time my mind wandered back to the show I would have waves of delight and hope, inspiration and knowing that all would be well. Amazing how easy it is to feel good about it when I'm not ACTUALLY doing it. Then I came home and stared at my computer screen until my eyes bled.

I got a new idea over dinner on Monday night and have been working with that all day today. Actually, it's fine, I think it will work, there are things about it that I love but it's starting to lean into more of a sci-fi realm which is unchartered territory for me. I'm starting to think I just need to make a decision and move on a premise, whether it's air tight or not and let the first run at this thing suck giant donkey ass if it needs to. Cuz, I ain't kidding when I say this is going to send me to an early grave. And, it's making me feel like I may never be able to accomplish this task, which is...well, retarded.

I just want to feel spectacular about my idea, I want to run around my bedroom squealing with delight, clapping my hands like a mad woman, rosey cheeked and gitty at the depth and genius of my Brand New Pilot. But at this point its feeling like gum with no flavor and all I want to do is SPIT IT OUT. Or get new gum. And at this point, there is no new gum. Be damned if I'm gonna completely abandon the idea of a show about angels. Forget it. That decision has been made.

So tomorrow I start fresh. I'm going to double fist it: one page will be my one hour premise idea and on the other page with be my half hour premise idea, and whoever is most fully ready to go to the next stage by midnight, wins.

Enough of this hand wringing and lip biting. Behold as I go boldly into the land of Original Pilot WRITING (vs. worrying).

Words I Wish I Had Written: "All my life whenever it comes time to make a decision, I make it and forget about it." (Harry S. Truman)

I need a little more Harry in my life...

How many mega-toodles in your brain-pod?

Oh, whoa is me. I've decided to write a 1/2 hour comedy. No longer writing a one-hour show. I'll leave that to the greats. Also known as: experienced writers. I have two bald patches on my head. I've successfully pulled my hair out in the exact shape of my fist on both sides. Sexy, I know.

There's good news and bad news about this process. The good news is: I'm officially in love with this work. How do I know? I'm totally depressed, frustrated, angsty and overwhelmed. Also: nauseous, grumpy and weepy. If you knew me you'd know that meant I was really in my element. I think in my whole baby career as a writer I've never wanted so badly to create something great. I say that every time, but THIS time I really, really mean it. It keeps me up at night, it's all I talk about (even when I'm talking about something else), everywhere I look I'm hoping for inspiration, expecting to see or hear something that will prove to be the missing link in my Uber Premise. Then, there's the bad news: I'm locking up a little. I've brain dumped myself into a stupor, I've tried then retried idea after idea, flipping back and forth between character and premise conceits, changed writing locations, wore my lucky cowboy hat, cut cheese from my diet (again), started meditating in the steam room, joined a writer's group, left the writer's group, prayed, visualized...then today: I cried. Can you believe it? Pull it together Amanda, it's a SPEC PILOT. Perspective Police! Perspective Police!

Part of the reason I love Jane Espenson's blog is that she's so wonderfully unemotional. Just fun, bouyant light-hearted facts about the challenging but delightful world of writing. I picture her in cozy jammies, adding honey to her tea, tiny birds flitter around her, fresh berries in a bowl on her desk, light streaming through her office window as she blogs, every so lightly, about yet another letter from a gentle reader in Croatia. Cut to me: tufts of hair missing, dark circles under my eyes, breath reeking of almonds and self doubt.

Someday I will meet Jane. I will treat her to several stuffed jalapenos from Jack in the Box, I will look deeply into her wise eyes and beg to the know the secret of her angstlessness.

I'm going home to Oregon for a vaction. 5 days. Regroup. Recharge. Be one with the main characters in my real world. Thank God for them.

Words I Wish I had Written: "You can do it!" (My mom.)

Brush Strokes

I had a great day today. Progress. I'm whittling down the premise more and more. I'm studying five great pilots: Ally McBeal, The Eli Stone Pilot, Ugly Betty, Pushing Daisies and Men in Trees. All very different which is good. I like Ally McBeal because it's a great use of flashbacks without feeling flashbackish. The Eli Stone Pilot is such a good premise I want to scream. Ugly Betty, as I've mentioned before, is sheer genius in terms of story structure. Pushing Daisies is wildly original and the tone is so unique I'm in awe. I couldn't ask for better examples.

TV show creators don't get nearly the credit they deserve. I don't know what they get paid, but I assure it's not enough. Studying these pilots is like looking at a painting really close up. You can see all the tiny brush strokes that create an eye, then a face, then a background, etc. People usually just stand back look at the big picture and call it a day. Rarely does one consider the hours that the artist took in premeditating each stroke and how it would effect the other strokes not to mention the other colors. Would they all mix? At the end of the day will everything work together? Will something distract? Does everything melt together to create the overall image?

I love the pilots I'm studying and I love who wrote them. And, it's challenging to keep the faith that I too can create something wonderful and entertaining and worthwhile. I'm simultaneously inspired and humbled. But that's how it should be, right? I'm not supposed to read a professional TV script and think: "Piece of cake! Child's Play! Gimme an hour!" I want it to feel like this. If it was too easy, it wouldn't be appealing. But if it were any harder I might look into dental hygentistry.

Words I Wish I had Written: "Use the Force..." (George Lucas)

Success Rehearsal

Hello loyal readers (AKA, my mom). I had an interesting writing day yesterday. I, for a few precious hours, thought I'd FINALLY cracked my pilot premise. I was so excited. I might've even squealed with delight. A few times. Then, I realized it had some holes. Big ones. And, in my haste to get a premise that I loved, I was actually sacrificing some of the most important things I needed, mainly compelling emotion. It's easy to get into problem solving and superficial 'making thigs work' vs. organically letting a premise birth itself from the main character's emotional life, goals, and flaws. It's good to take wrong turns like these for two reasons:

1.) It's like buying groceries for a trip you don't end up taking. You still have snacks all week long. Meaning: there are still ideas, characters, concepts that can be used later.

2.) There is nothing like the FEELING OF SUCCESS even if it's a false alarm. It's good practice for the real deal.

I've decided to shelve the premise work for a couple days and focus 100% of my time on the four pilot scripts I have. I think that will help me in narrowing down the parameters of my premise. Sometimes I get a little Runaway Create Freightrain-ish and overwhelm myself.

One interesting thing I discovered today is that the "Ugly Betty" Pilot follows the 12 Steps of The Hero's Journey. Flawlessly. All in 49 pages while still hitting all the act breaks with a cliff hanger/mini-tease. Genius! Bravo Silvio Horta! I'll be sniffing that pilot for clues like a pilot hungry bloodhound! Watch your back amigo...

Words I Wish I'd Written: "I'll face my fear in the hopes of a greater freedom..." Tree (singer/songwriter)

Find a Tribe

Okay, so still working on hammering out the premise for the pilot. I've got a lot of clarity subjectively it's just the actual...writing that needs to happen. My kitchen table is covered with note cards: days worth of Pilot Idea Brain Dumping. I joined a writer's group (Jane Espenson encourages that). We meet every Monday night from 7-10. I've only been once but it was good. More than anything it acts as leverage for me. I know every week there is a group of people holding an expectation on my behalf, that I will have in some way advanced, improved, expanded or produced my project in some way. And that is good.

I'm also studying other pilots. I'm used to dissecting produced scripts in an effort to spec them. But it's a whole different ball game creating a pilot. Now I'm reading produced pilots with a different eye: when is the premise clear? When is the main character's character truly revealed? Who loves the character and why and when is that obvious? What is accomplished in each act? What works for me as the reader? Why did I love this pilot (or not)? What do the supporting characters bring out in the main character? At the end of the pilot, am I dying to read more? What expectation am I left with? Cliff hangers? Emotional tease? It's good to study this way. And it's good practice to articulate why I like something and why it works. I recommend it. It would be even more fun to do with a friend. But, alas, this is a solo project.

Re: the Writer's Group. I personally have a tough time speaking in groups about my ideas. I'm in my head so often that sometimes the sound of my own voice shocks me. According to my Shero, Jane, this is a problem. Apparently, writer's talk as much as they write in writer's rooms. So I gotta get over that, STAT. Which is part of why I joined a group. I did well last week, I got a little tongue tied in moments, but I didn't geek out or anything. So. Success.

The rest of this week is all about: more studying of produced pilots, more character bio's (for my pilot) and expanding the World of the Show. I've also NetFlixed about 8 TV shows and movies with similar tones/themes as my project to see what other inspiration I might find.

The pilot journey continues....

Words I Wish I had Written: "The pain pushes...till the vision pulls." Rev. Michael Beckwith

Thinking...

I've been spending the last few days deep in thought. I've decided to think of this project as a delicious luxury. I have complete and total artistic freedom. I may never be this free again! I may get hired onto a show and spend years (fingers crossed) realizing someone else's vision week after week. But for this small window of time, the summer of '07, I am creating an original TV show: a whole new world with new people with problems and aspirations and quirks and conflicts, navigating their way through life, constantly growing and revealing their true selves. Does it get any better than that? I feel a little God like.

I've discovered that every project worth doing is worth setting intentions for. Obviously I intend to have this pilot be an excellent, professional sample: structurally sound, full, hilarious, intelligent, warm and inspiring. But more than that, I feel like it's an opportunity to begin sending a message to the Universe about what I really want to do as a writer. I can't think of anything more fulfilling than being able to write stories, week after week, about characters I care about, that make me laugh, that grow and contribute and mess up and make it right, or not, who aspire and succeed and fail.

Ultimately, what I want to be creating are stories that anchor spiritual truths with comedy. I know for a fact that that combination evolves me and, because you get what you give, I intend to give as much spiritualized-comedy as humanly possible. Maybe it's in the form of shticky angels. Maybe it's through stories that deal with the struggles of right and wrong and the relief that comes from releasing that antiquated paradigm. However it manifests, I intend to start articulating my vision through this project.

Am I still dying to dive naked into a vat of Office scripts? Of course. Do I still secretly pine to be the newest writer on 30 Rock? Who doesn't? Is there a part of me that just wants to break off a piece of some of the best shows on TV, grow it like so much petri, slap my name on it and call it a Pilot? You betcha. But for now, I'm going to put all of that aside and believe in my heart of hearts that OF COURSE I can write a fantastic, original pilot! I'm going to trust that if I show up the ideas will too....

Words I Wish I Had Written: "Scratch a pessimist and you'll find a disappointed optimist."

And So It Begins...

Hello! The purpose of this blog is to document the journey of a Baby Writer, writing an original TV pilot. Armed only with my Writing (Blog) Mentor Jane Espenson (please visit her blog often at www.janeespenson.com ), an idea, and a writing schedule I shall attempt the Grand Daddy of writing projects: An Original Pilot Script (second only to the Great Granddaddy of writing projects known as The Feature Film...but that's another blog).

For those of you new to TV land, please allow Wikipedia to explain:

"A television pilot is a test episode of an intended television series. It may be slightly longer than a normal episode (sometimes it may approach twice the length so if sold, it will later be broken down into two episodes) and is intended to get network programming executives, and later the public, interested in the series. However, pilots are rarely fair examples of what a "normal episode" of a series is like, since they usually set the general background and tell the origin story for the series (e.g., if the series is about two angry roommates, the pilot will probably show how they met).

While many pilots are shot, few make it to the screen, and even fewer go on to become full-fledged television series. "

That last bit stings a little. Very few pilots go on to become full-fledged TV series. Okay, so it's not easy. I get it. Here's what's great: I don't have to get my pilot made into an actual TV show...my goal is to be hired onto an EXISTING show. And these days, the best way to do that is to create a show of your own as a writing sample. So that takes the pressure off. Sort of. I still need to hit it out of the park. Big time. There are a lot of really, really great writers out there with CREDITS. That's the rub. While I fancy myself as clever (in moments), at the end of the day, my resume has a lot of bare space. Like, mostly bare. Fine, it's totally naked. But, get this: I'm so new at the professional side of this that I have NO IDEA what isn't possible! As far as I'm concerned I could spend all summer writing my TV Pilot, it could be a smashing success and I could be sitting around a writers table with IBS and dry mouth by next year! Dare to dream!

So, tomorrow the journey begins. I will use this blog to document the ups and downs (hopefully mostly ups) of creating a TV show from scratch. And you are invited. Welcome to my world.

The pilot is about angels...so let's assume this journey will be blessed.

*Jane Espenson always ends her blog with what she had for lunch that day which is both quirky AND interesting. (It'd just be weird if I copied her.) I'm going to end each blog with:

Words I Wish I Had Written: "Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting…’Holy shit! What a ride!"